


Mall Cop of My Heart

by xXxcrustyxXx (orphan_account)



Category: Paul Blart: Mall Cop (Movies)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Friendfiction, bad grammar, i s2g i can write better than this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-22
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-28 07:13:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6319708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/xXxcrustyxXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a loev story about a girl and a dude that wrides a fuckign sugaway</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mall Cop of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dinosar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosar/gifts).



> one day im gonna be applying for a job and my future employer is gonna find all these and i’m gonna die jobless and penniless

sart had 2 go Christmas shopping to buy presents for hq net

bc they are the Best and she loves them

don't question why this is happening in march

sar likes to be Prepared

in this alternate universe

while sar is in hot topic looking for the EDG I E S T animu merch

SUDNDEENLY THE ALALRSM GO OFF

there is a TH REAT in the mall

some1 is trying to steal the limited edition Louis Vuitton bag from the hot otpoic

suddenly the gate to the store crashes down!!!!

sart is TR APPed with the EVIL man

sar looks around frantically for some1 to free her

but the cashier can't hellp

bECAUSE HE IS THE THEIF

A DOUBLE L AGENT WITHIEN  THE MALL

sar screams

"lmao" says the casheir

sar grabsp a replica adventure time sword from the wall display

and brandishes it threatentingly at the thief

he pulsls aout a Gun

fuFKC" says sar, in s ascared toen of voice

sudDenyly theres a crash against the door

"STOP IN THENAME OF THE LAW"

it's bAPUL BLART MFLALF JOCOp

pual shart whips something outta his pants

it is his

 

taser

he aims through the grate of the storefront at the casheir

he misses and it attaches to the metal

forming a complete circuit

and tasing him

"fuck" said sar, with feeling

paul blart didn't say anything bc he was unconsicous

the cahseri starts alughign

WHOS GONNA SVE UK NOW

sar throuws the replica sword at the cahseir

he gets fuckign wasted

but when he drops the gun on the floor...

.IT IFIRIEESS

towards

PUAL BLART'

luckily it only grazes his generous belly

sar is still shocked

"stab me in the face"

"lmao k" says the cahiser

but through the POWER OF LOVE

paul blart suddenly BUSTHS Is ass through the storefront

and throws himself before the wsword can pierce sart's face

the sword hits him and he falls to the ground, prone

he gets out bc it was made of fuckingfoam lfmao

he pulls out his MALL COP MOVES (tm)

an busts his ass

sar swoons at this manly disopaly

pauls balrt wonks

"nobody messages with m yamlel"

*messes with my mall

AUHTORS NOTE DOONT MAKE FUN OF MY TYPOS IM ONLY 12

sar and paul blart get MARRIEd

do u take this man to be ur lawfully wedded husbando

sar "ye"

"congrats ur now SAR BLART"

~~~owari~~~

**Author's Note:**

> if u ever feel like u've hit rock bottom at least u never wrote paul blart mall cop friendfic


End file.
